Failure
I spend a lot of my childhood failing.Failing classes, failing friendships, failing.
Now I am one of millions who have lost their jobs this year, due to "downsizing", "job cuts", or whatever else you want to call it, which is essentially corporate speak for "this crappy economy".
I have never felt so powerless. I feel as if none of my shmoozing, late hours, banging out reports, has been good enough.
And also I was assured that this had nothing to do with performance, I can't help but say "fuck that".
I am just angry, and hurt, and in spite of trying my hardest not to feel sorry for myself...I feel fucking sorry for myself.
I loved that job. I gave it everything. I created a work-ethic I never had to kick ass at this job. And it kicked my ass.
And now what? I feel like I failed.
Logically I don't know any different.
I wish I could see this as an opportunity...but I see this as a blow to my self esteem, and a slap in the face.
I feel crushed, and I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to be anything but a publicist. I lived for it.
Every day I went to the office hungry to pitch someone-- anyone.
And now what will satiate that hunger?
posted by D @ 8:52 AM
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