the other side of D...my life in private

happiness is a warm gun...bang bang, shoot shoot

I have always been someone who bounces back.
In almost any situation I am the person who gets over aggravation, anger, boredom, sadness, and yes, even sometimes, joy.
I feel like my emotions are controlled by a switch that i can turn on and off at will.
Is this kind of control necessarily a good thing?
I'm not so sure.

I started this blog with the most serious and ambitious of intentions. I wanted to write again. I wanted a venue in which to express how i feel. how can i do that when i rarely feel the same way for more than a few fleeting moments?

Example: I rarely get angry with my friends. Even when I do, hardly ever enough to resort to cutting off all ties with them.
I was recently so hurt by a friend, that i did, in fact, cut her off. Yes, i completely explained to her in gross detail why i was upset and yet she still refused to even acknowledge her part in that, so it ended.
Everyone understood why I was upset. I was worried for a while that I was being overly sensitive and irrational and asked everyone's opinion about the situation. Every single person I spoke to, including my mother who always seems to find a way to villianize me, agreed that any 'friend' who would knowingly do something to hurt me, regardless of the reasons why, is not a friend.
So i abandoned ship, and moved on.
Now I'm okay.
I am no longer feeling guilty, nor am i angry at this person for hurting me. I simply don't care anymore.

Is that healthy?

I always thought that being adaptable [another one of my many gemini qualities] was one of the best things about me. i work very well with change, in fact, i often welcome it. I started to wonder, however, if change is just the most practical way for me to avoid dealing with the stagnant realities of my life; the things that don't change- that remain constant. I have always been scared of boredom, of the mundane. I have always anticipated change to such an extent, that perhaps creating change has become my way of controlling the inevitable.

oh, nothing like a good epiphany.

posted by D @ 1:49 PM