the other side of D...my life in private

which came first- the sad or the pensive?

I'm sitting in my cubicle at work listening to "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones. I am sad. I am pensive. I'm not sure which came first- the sad or the pensive?
I was sad, and then I started thinking about why I am sad, but again, I was also sad because I started thinking about all the things that are making me sad and I can't really figure out where it started.
JRo sent me one of those "Sunscreen" things which only made me sadder. Not because it was sad, but because it was just a reminder of how much everything is changing in my life, so quickly.
It's gloomy outside, my room is a mess, the right friends never have enough time for me, and the wrong friends won't leave me alone, and self-evaluations for work need to be completed by monday and for the first time i don't know what to say.
I feel like there is so much i need to do for my well being, but i keep trying to distract myself with bullshit. I'm trying to change in all the seemingly "importent" ways, and have thus far been doing an excellent job; learning self control, feeling good about myself- both physically and mentally, and dressing more like a grown-up.
something is missing. i need to get my life in "order".
be cleaner, neater, more careful with money and my belongings...etc.
all the boring stuff, it seems.
sigh.

posted by D @ 4:13 PM